A Bowler's Night Before Christmas


'Twas the night before XMAS
And all throughout the shop
Not a kegler was stirring
Not even a pop

All nestled in bed
With dreams of the perfect shot
They hoped St. Nick
Gave them a ball that was hot

But St. Nick was standing there
Just dazed and confused
With all this new equipment
He didn’t know what to do

What's Brunswick doing
With so many balls on the rack
The Zones are a bit much
As all the Elites by Track

The game is turning into golf
You get a new ball to adjust
But with the market so flooded
Half the balls are a bust

He looked at his list
With a sneer on his face
Like the Omega Lion
This is simply a disgrace.

MF stock is down
Walter Ray is a bore
And what’s with Columbia
And their Titanium core?

Take the game by Storm?
Or Webb and his RX?
Glow in the dark balls?
Who needs those damn effects?

Faball or Hammer
What's that company's name?
The hell with this science
Bowling's just a game

A Quantum Helix
That’s kinda catchy
Then he saw the price of it
Holy shit is that pricey!

But Nick looked over
Saw the keglers sleeping in bed
And knew if he didn’t get them what they want
He was simply going to be dead.

Ever so quietly
He dropped a ball in each stocking
He glanced at his watch
It was getting close to morning!

On Roth!  On Anthony!
Let’s go watch some Seinfeld
Because I’m going to be sick
If I see another ad with Jeremy Sonnenfeld.

And off he went
With his Dexters over his shoulder
He opened the door and said
Oy!  It’s getting colder!

The bowlers woke up
And were they shocked to discover
That Ol’ St. Nick
Left them each a Manhattan Rubber


Have a happy holiday!



Thanks to Marc Stern