You Might Be A Redneck Starfleet Captain If...


A Starfleet Captain Might be considered a Redneck if...

 1 - your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

 2 - he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

 3 - you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

 4 - he refers to any intelligent alien race as "critters"

 5 - he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"

 6 - he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and
     aluminum foil

 7 - he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer
     section

 8 - he says "Got your ears on, good buddy?" instead of "Open
     hailing frequencies."

 9 - he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

10 - he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

11 - he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack
     above it

12 - he says "Yea Haw! Let’s get this puppy movin!!!" instead of
     "Engage"

13 - he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser

14 - he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"

15 - he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

16 - he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip
     greens

17 - he paints the starship John Deere green with racing stripes

18 - he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"

19 - he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"

20 - his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

21 - he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"

22 - his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls

23 - he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge

24 - his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a
     meal of beans and weenies

25 - he sets phaser to "Cajun"

26 - he has ordered the Chief Engineer to dig out the jumper cables

27 - the warp reactor is coated in duct tape ,Bond-O, and Super-Glu

28 - he orders the Sickbay to carry castor oil and turpentine

29 - he lights his cigarettes with his laser pistol

30 - he keeps livestock in the cargo bay

31 - he refers to the Kobiyashi Maru test as "the best target
     practice I ever had."

32 - he orders the ship into timewarp so he can have another go
     at the "Tuesday Night All-You-Can-Eat Ribs" buffet

33 - the ship, all the shuttlecraft, and the ship's mascot are
     all named after his favorite movie actresses


[Thanks to Randall Woodman]