Who's On Ganemede


Kirk:   Ah... hello Mister Spock.

Spock:  Good day, Captain.

Kirk:   Are you an avid baseball fan?

Spock:  Baseball is a tactical game played on a geometric pattern
        of 4 sides with a spherical object.  The purpose is to 
        knock the 'shit out of' the object amidst loud 
        verbalizations of 'Hurrah' and 'Kock 'em on their ass.' 
        Is this correct?

Kirk:   Indeed.  We are in the process of learning about one of 
        the baseball teams from old Earth.

Spock:  Oh? I am quite versed with old Earth history... perhaps I
        may be of assistance.

Kirk:   That's the idea.

Spock:  Very well... proceed.

Kirk:   Alright... Who's on first.

Spock:  I am unable to determine who is on first without proper 
        information concerning the team and year, sir.

Kirk:   So?

Spock:  Perhaps we could start with who the team is, and I can 
        test the accuracy.

Kirk:   No... Who's on first.

Spock:  I do not know.

Kirk:   No... he's third base.

Spock:  Who is?

Kirk:   No... he's first base.

Spock:  Who is?

Kirk:   Correct.

Spock:  Who is correct?

Kirk:   Sometimes.

Spock:  Who is sometimes?

Kirk:   No... Who is first baseman.  I'm not familiar with 
        Sometimes' identity.

Spock:  Whose identity?

Kirk:   No... him I know... he's first baseman.

Spock:  Who is?

Kirk:   Right.

Spock:  Perhaps we can discuss the identity of the second baseman.

Kirk:   What.

Spock:  I said the second baseman.

Kirk:   What.

Spock:  This is highly illogical.  You have no apparent auditory
        disfunction, sir.  Now, as I asked... who is the second 
        baseman?

Kirk:   No... you didn't ask that, and Who is the first baseman.

Spock:  I am not familiar with that piece of information, sir.

McCoy:  Dammit, Spock!  You messed up the whole setup there!

Spock:  Forgive me Doctor... I am not a comedian.

McCoy:  Obviously.

Spock:  That much is certain.

McCoy:  Just get back to the skit.

Spock:  Very well. Captain... I ask you... politely... who is the 
        second baseman?

Kirk:   No... Who is the first baseman.  What is the second 
        baseman.

Spock:  That is incorrect, Captain.  The second baseman is 
        obviously a sentient being, and therefore should be 
        referred to as who, and not what. 'Who is the second 
        baseman,' not 'what is the second baseman.'

Kirk:   Wrong, Spock.  Who is the first baseman, and What is the 
        second baseman.

Spock:  That statement is most illogical.

Kirk:   Okay... wait a minute.  We'll get Scotty... he's 
        Scottish...he must love baseball. Oh Mister Scott...

Scott:  Aye, Cap'n?

Kirk:   Who is the first baseman of the team we were talking 
        about.

Scott:  Aye, Cap'n.  It ain't never been any other way!

Kirk:   You see, Spock?

Spock:  Yes... Mister Scott seems to know the material well. 
        Alright, Mister Scott... who is the second baseman?

Scott:  Ach! No, Mister Spock!  That be What you're talking about!

Spock:  I know that be what... er... is what I'm talking about. I
        am very intelligent, and rarely lose track of what I am 
        talking about.

Scott:  Ach!  Don't bring track inta this!  That be a bloomin' 
        field event!

Spock:  What has this got to do with field events?

Scott:  Ach! No!  What's the second baseman!

Spock:  Again, I note that a person should be referred to as 'who'
        and not 'what' Mister Scott.

Scott:  Only if he's tha first baseman, Mister Spock!

Spock:  What you are saying is most illogical.

Scott:  Ach!  No!  What's a real bright fella!

Spock:  Who is a 'real bright fella' Mister Scott?

Scott:  No!  Who... now he's a real dope, sir!

Spock:  Who is?

Scott:  Right!

Spock:  You are relieved, Mister Scott.

Scott:  Aye, sir.

Spock:  Sir... this is most illogical, and I am no longer 
        interested in learning who the second baseman is.  I am 
        also growing impatient.

Kirk:   No... Who's the first baseman.

Spock:  Very well sir.  Good day, gentlemen, or whoever you are.

[Spock leaves.]

Kirk:  Whoever!  I forgot about him!  Wait... I don't remember a 
       Whoever on the team...



[Thanks to Chalapathi]