- As you may know, there are a lot of Californians moving to Idaho
these days.
Unlike Idaho with its four seasons, California only has two: hot and hot as hell.
The following excerpts are from letters from someone who recently moved to McCall, Idaho.
November 1, 1992
Dear Jim and Mary:
It started to snow this evening about 5:00 p.m. -- our first of the
season. The wife and I took
our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift
down. They say that no two snowflakes are the same! It was
beautiful.
We woke to a big wonderful blanket of crystal white snow covering
our yard and as far as the
eye could see. I shoveled snow for the first time in over
30 years -- and loved it! Did both the driveway and sidewalk.
Of course two minutes after I finished, the snowplow came by and
covered it all up again with the compacted snow from the street.
Oh well, ha ha, I took it in
stride and shoveled it all again.
Your friend,
Tom
November 10, 1992
Dear Jim and Mary:
Got another 8 inches of snow last night and the temperature dropped
to 20 below zero.
Shoveled the driveway so I could get the car out but before I could
open the garage door, the
snowplow did his thing again. Worked out for the best because
the car wouldn't start anyway.
Fixed myself a drink and laughed it off.
Regards,
Tom
Noverber 27, 1992
Dear Jim and Mary:
Sold the car and bought a 4 wheel drive truck. Fell on my ass
on the ice in the driveway getting
into it. All that was hurt was my feelings. Still cold
(below zero every morning) and the icy roads
make for tough driving. I did however make it to the liquor
store and bought enough booze to last
the winter. That asshole in the snowplow came by while I was
gone and covered the driveway
again.
Tom
December 5, 1992
Dear Jim and Mary:
Happy "fucking" Holiday from Idaho. We're assured a white Christmas
this year because
6 more inches of the "white stuff" fell today. Forget that
crap about snow flakes all looking
different, you've seen one, you've seen them all!! Anyway,
I took a couple of stiff belts out
of the whiskey bottle and suited up to shovel the driveway.
You should see it, boots, jump suit,
heavy jacket, scarf, ear muffs, gloves, etc. Got in one shovel
full and had to piss like a Russian
race horse. Figured I'd risk blowing a kidney and finish the
job. When I did, I ran for the house
and just made it to the toilet. While I was standing relieving
myself, I heard a now familiar sound.
Yes, that cocksucker in the snowplow did it again. The only
reason I needed to get out was that
the liquor cabinet was empty, again! I think the wife has
been sipping behind my back!! Selfish
bitch!
T.
December 30, 1992
Dear Jim and Mary:
If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, I'll
drag his bare ass through the
white shit from here to the city limits. The temperature stays
at zero or below all day. If this
keeps up I'll be fucking with this white shit 'til August.
Got to get to the liquor store before it
closes. I caught the wife dead off her ass drunk on the bathroom
floor yesterday. At least
now I know where the booze is going.
Me
January 5, 8, or 10, 1993
Dear Tim and Cary:
7 more inches. If it wasn't for going to the liquor store,
I'd never get out. Must be cabin fever
or I'm going snowblind from that white shit all over my yard, but
even that drunken slut I married
is starting to look good. Doesn't matter, it's so cold I have
to tie a string and tag on my dick just
to find it ever morning.
You Know Who
Febiary, whatever, whenever...............
Deer jimmers, jimmers, J & M:
Toilet froze. IF you go outside, don't eat the brown snow ha
ha! Neighbor came by and told me
I better get some of that shit off my roof or it might cave in.
Fuck it and the snowplow. Liquor
store has started making deliveries to the front door. I ain't
going out till this shit melts all the
way a way.
me
March 29, 1993
Boise Mental Hospital
Dear Jim and Mary:
Thank you for taking in my darling wife. My lawyer says I should
be out in a year or two. All
this could have been avoided if the snowplow driver hadn't come
by asking for a donation for
some charity. His doctor testified at my trial that there
was no permanent damage to his rectum
from my assault with the snow shovel handle. It was wrong,
I know that now. The arson charge
too, could have been avoided, but when that neighbor told me about
the snow on my roof, well I
figured the fire would melt that white.........
I really feel bad about the guy who owns the liquor store.
Ever since we left the neighborhood,
the bank foreclosed on his new house and the Cadillac dealer repossessed
his new car. Even the
kid who used to deliver for him quit, claimed he wasn't making that
$1,500 a week like when we
lived there.
Hope to see you soon!
Your Friend,
Tom
