Yes yes....I decided to give this a section of its own...

In an attempt to tutor Linden in Chinese....
Linden: Okay I have a book that we can read from. What does this say?
Sally: Cong qian something something you something something something....oooh familiar character.....dude, what the hell does that mean!???? You know what? I have a better book for you to study from, lemme go get it.

Talking about Er-Tai in Huan Zu Ge Ge (Princess of Pearls)
Sally: Seriously though, I love Er-Tai and everything, but why the hell is he there? I mean why does he follow Wu Ah-Ge around anyway?
Liz: I think he's suppose to be Wu Ah-Ge's súi tóng (following dude)
Sally: What's a sui (3rd tone) tong (3rd tone)???
Liz: uuuuuh, Sally? Sui (3rd tone) tong (3rd tone) is water bucket.

This one is from when I was 8--my Chinese is better now! So don't pass judgements on me based on this blurb. This one takes place while I'm watching Bao Qin Tian with my parents. (You need to be pretty Chinese to get this one)
8-year old Sally: Mama? wei sheme ta men yao "hua ya," ah??? (Mom? Why do they need to "draw a ya"?)
Mom: hua ya jiu xian qian zhi yi yang. (To draw a ya means to put down your signature.)
8-year old Sally: rou guo ta men bu hui hua ya sheme ban? (What if they don't know how to draw a ya?)
Mom: da jia dou hui hua ya de. (Everyone can do it)
8-year old Sally: ke shi ta men hua de bu xiang yi zhi yazi zheme ban? (What if their drawing doesn't look like a duck?)

While playing Cranium (we're at the part where it's like pictionary). The category is places, I'm suppose to draw the grand canyon.
(Sally draws two squiggles that doesn't look like anything)
Linden: Grand canyon.
Sally: Yup! She got it!
Julia: Noooo waaaaayyyy! How is that the grand canyon??? They're just a bunch of squiggles. I KNOOOOWWW! It's Chinese isn't it??? You wrote Grand Canyon in Chinese--cheater!

in a series of email messages
Andy: (subject heading) wo xi huan ken ni de pi gu. translation: I like to look at your ass....except for you chuck! Thats right, I am learning useful vocab in chinese!
Kang-Mei: ok..."ken" (third intonation for you chinese speakers) means "chew." "kan" (4th intonation) means "look." I don't think you'd like to chew on our butts. At least, I wouldn't like you to chew on my butt.
Kang-Mei: scratch that..."ken" doesn't even mean "chew." A better translation (and funnier, at that) would be "to gnaw on"

Dan demonstrating his great Cantonese skills
Dan: I can say 3 phrases in Cantonese: Where's the bathroom? I want to eat instant noodles, and your vacuum cleaner is very powerful. I got the last two 'cause I watched so much Chinese television. ooooo, and I know what each of the words mean, so I can combine the phrases. So I can say I want to eat your vacuum cleaner, and your bathroom is very powerful.